Survivor Stories - 2 years and 8 stories

When I started this project; I was afraid that I would fail.  My progress has been slow, but I am incredibly grateful for the people who have trusted me to share their stories.  The feedback I have received has been extremely positive, and I hope to publish a real book in a couple years that will make a serious impact in shattering the silence that surrounds sexual violence.  April is sexual assault awareness month, please take the time to read and let me know what you think.  I am so grateful to know Angela Rose, founder of PAVE.  This woman is incredible.  To know more about her and PAVE go to http://pavingtheway.net

Angela Rose - agent of change and assault survivor

I was kidnapped from a parking lot in broad daylight the summer after I graduated from high school.  I was walking towards my car, singing Natalie Merchant, and I stopped because I felt this person about ten or fifteen feet behind me.  I put my key into the lock, and he came up behind me and pressed a knife to my throat and threw me in his car and bound my hands behind my back.  He used bandaids and sunglasses to conceal my eyes.

I felt like a captured animal, there was no where for me to run and nothing for me to do.  I had no control.  He pulled over, after driving for however long, into a forest reserve parking lot and sexually assaulted me. 

I did whatever I could to consciously remember details; because, I thought to myself, if I get out of this situation alive, he is not getting away with this.  That really helped to keep me present in that moment and very vigilant.  There were clues that this was not his first time.

He wound up letting me go hours later, and I went to the police.  I told the detective that he had done this before; I knew it.  The detective didn’t believe me.  He asked me if I was lying about everything.  It was so re-traumatizing.

Finally they put two new detectives on the case and they told me that they would do whatever they could to catch this guy.  They did, and it turns out that he was on parole for assaulting and raping other women and murdering a 15-year-old girl. 

I vowed to make sure that he would stay behind bars and not hurt anybody else.  About a week after I was kidnapped, I made a plea through the media in Chicago.  I said, “I know that I am not the only person he has done this to.”  Four other girls came forward.  I got together with them and we fought for changes in Illinois state law.  It was really powerful.  We were doing something proactive and positive out of a really negative and hard situation.

I had an incredible support network with my community, had the support of the other survivors from this man.  That makes all the difference in healing.  If people feel supported, if people feel like they have a voice, it really makes it so much easier to heal.

The surviving came with using my voice, learning that I could help other people, really helped me make that transition from victim to survivor.  I love helping people.  I love helping people overcome trauma -- not only going from being a victim to surviving, but thriving. 

I started PAVE (Promoting Awareness Victim Empowerment) when I found out that everyone had a story: old high school teachers, friends and family, men and women.  They would share with me that they had been assaulted or abused. And so often they would say, “Angela, I’ve never told anyone.”  So I realized there was a need to shatter the silence of sexual violence.

PAVE’s logo is a phoenix because it’s a bird reborn out of its own ashes.  We can choose to take these really negative experiences in our lives, and allow them to transform us in a positive way.  What happened to me, I wouldn’t wish on anybody, but I would never change it.  It helped me realize this inner strength that I never even knew existed.  I feel like because of what I went through, there isn’t anything that I can’t get through.

I have this incredible gratitude for life, and that came out of my experience.  To know that my life could have been over at the age of 17, makes me profoundly grateful for small things like flowers blooming or the clouds in the sky.  There is hope.  We can heal, and we can live happy and joyful lives.

Survivors Stories Update

I continue to work on a project that is near and dear to my heart.  We need to shatter the silence that surrounds sexual violence.  Currently one in three women will experience some form of sexual assault in their lifetimes.  We can't ignore it.  To see the work-in-progress, visit this link.  

http://teresaprince.com/projects/SurvivorStories.pdf

If you have any comments, questions, or desire to participate, do not hesitate to contact me. 

 I welcome any conversation on this matter. 

Emily Johnson - Journalist and Abuse Survivor

   I graduated from UNO last spring, and I’m thinking about going to graduate school. I like writing, taking pictures, and reading. This weekend I’ve been reading so much poetry it’s unbelievable.  

   I’ve had a couple incidences (with sexual assault), and I really don’t know many women who haven’t. The most recent experience was with my ex-fiancé. He couldn’t get a job; so I worked multiple jobs to pay the bills and rent. He started drinking and taking drugs. A couple times this spring he got violent and came home and started pushing me around and shaking me. Screaming at me was normal.

   On Valentine’s Day he tried to rape me in my sleep. I woke up to him groping me, and I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I ran out into the hallway, but I was taking medicine to help me sleep, so I was incapacitated. I was not able to leave. A couple nights later, I tried to normalize the situation and talk to him. He said the things that he knew he had to say, and I agreed to sleep with him. But right away, it started getting really violent, and it was obvious that he hated me, and he wanted to do this to hurt me. It was the worst; I started crying. The next day I asked him to leave, and it’s been hard since then.

   He lied to me. He told me that his name had been taken off the lease, and it wasn’t. He also said he’d given his keys back when he hadn’t. There was a break-in and my tax returns and my mail were gone through. The landlord didn’t do anything about it. So I was just really scared for a really long time.

   I wanted to forget about it, but he showed up at a club that people knew I was going to be at, and he started looking me up online. I was terrified that he was trying to re-enter my life. That’s when I moved to file the protection order, but the police said that it’s been so long and you didn’t do anything. You try to explain that it’s a process, and I went to a sexual violence therapist all summer. And they’re just like, “Well we don’t see any direct contact; so therefore, it’s not really a danger to you.”

   One of the biggest mistakes that someone can make, and I don’t judge because I know how hard it is, but when you’re life is falling apart, you try to normalize the abnormal. It’s really important, legally, not to do that. If your assaulter shows up, call the police. Have a record of it. I didn’t do that, and it really hurt me in the long run. I really should have called them this spring, and I regret not doing that. 

   It’s hard to look back on everything and know what you should or shouldn’t have done. I’ve done it a million times and I only regret three things: getting engaged, not getting him out sooner when the abuse started, and not calling the cops. I look back on the person that I was and I say, “I stuck with this person through really terrible times, I took care of him, and I was the best person that I could be and loved him, and he took full advantage of that.”  It’s sad, but I’m also kind of proud of that person. Victims are usually victims because they put themselves on the line. They allow themselves to love people or be there for people. Be proud of yourself for being a victim, is what I’m trying to say, because it takes a lot of strength to have gotten to that situation in the first place.

   I wasn’t able to talk about the abuse at first, and I’m a story-teller - so not living my own story, by not telling it, was consuming me. My best friend said, “You look so empty, and you’re the emptiest I’ve ever seen you in our whole lives. This isn’t who you are. You need to be honest.” The more people you talk to, the more noise you make, the better it will be. People might stop inviting you to their house because it makes them feel uncomfortable, but that’s not your fault it, and never will be your fault. People need reminding that this happens to people. Keep talking. 

Best of 2012

2012 has been a really great year.  I traveled to St. Louis, the Sandhills, Minnesota, and the Ozarks.  I started studying sonography and will hopefully start a new career in 2014.  I've continued work on my Survivor Stories project.  I've made some new friends and celebrated big life events with some old ones.  All in all, life is good. Click below to see all 15 of my best photos, many of them contain family and good friends so I couldn't objectively cut it down to 10 this year.  It's very biased.

http://teresaprince.com/yearsbest/content/index.html

Star Gazing

I have always loved astronomy and ever since I went to Astronomy Camp at the University or Arizona back in 2003, I have wanted to take a good star trails picture.  I decided to try on vacation this summer, but was thwarted by a full moon and thunderstorms every night for a week.  Luckily I have a great boyfriend who didn't mind spending some rather chilly evenings bundled up in the middle of the Loess Hills of Iowa this fall while I attempted to make it happen.  I love this spot but I still haven't quite got the exposure down right.  I hope to get a "perfect" shot sometime next spring when lying on the ground outdoors at night isn't an invitation for hypothermia. I was nervous they wouldn't turn out so I shot some frames on my digital camera as well. 

 1 hour, 45 minute exposure pointing northwest.  

Was planning on a 2-hour exposure when a care drove by with 

brights on.  I cloned it out so it looks alright, but

 I'm aiming for a frame where I don't have to do that.  

 

15 minute exposure pointing west.  

30 minute exposure pointing north.  Another car drove by :(

 

It's an awesome little spot except for that annoying little, dirt road that 

Iowegians love to drive along very late at night for some reason.

Milky Way!

Sam + Robyn

I was invited to my first same-sex wedding.  An old friend from high-school, Samantha, married a wonderful woman, Robyn.  Samantha has a child from a previous marriage and Robyn recently adopted a boy with special needs and now they have an amazing new family.  The day before, I helped my friend Mo, who was in charge of baking for the wedding,  The day of, I enjoyed the beautiful ceremony and danced my ass off at the reception with some great friends!

Rainbow cake! 

  

The chocolate ones were best.  I think we made 160 in total. 

That's Mo, the baker, Renee, the maid of honor and me!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I had a great holiday with my family.  I'm thankful for a lot this year, but mostly for being a new path that is making me very happy.  

 

Shooting Old School

    I bought a roll of film back in August with the express purpose of trying my hand at some star trails pictures.  I'll post about those later, but here are some fun frames taken when I was trying to use up the film.  It was fun to slow down and shoot like this again.  I had to weigh heavily if I wanted the shot before snapping. 

 

 This cat is awesome.

 Touchdown!  Huskers had a lot that day. 

 The Henry Doorly Zoo is awesome. 

 Hiking along the Missouri River

 This was shot early one morning in August on the 11th Crow Wing Lake.  We canoed from the tenth Crow Wing Lake to the first Crow Wing Lake that day; it took twelve hours and was an amazing adventure.